A metal table with three empty chairs, the rose designed top, carved petals and ellipses, peering into patches of weeds and fractured brick pavers, waggling crow’s feet-anxious in the spring time-working the tapping puddles underneath. Or perhaps the splay of pointed forks and jagged knifes hurled down by a present-day Zeus or an allowanced woman who did not allocute to the emptiness of being friends. The man who now hovered above was tall, with grey hair- light enough to infer the imperfect condition of lust and aftermath-the once blonde streaks of ambivalence prematurely giving way. He was lean but gym ready, well-dressed but offset by blue wrinkled flamingos and creased shorts that were olive suede. His shins and arms shared the same amount of curled hair, matted in totality as if hiding freckles was clever contest against the contessa who tracked the amplitude of the wind. The way he rubbed his wrists and circled behind every approaching waiter promised that luck had nothing to do with expectation. After 30 minutes of shape shifting and eyeing seats as patient daughters, I was not convinced that absence makes the heart grow fonder, or lack of purchase voided the practice of leaving a tip……

July 17, 2012

Well the meal turned out to be delicious! Not sure if it was because of the chef’s abilities or because I was so damn hungry that I would have eaten tree bark. Of course, not everything was perfect. I think the block of cheddar cheese may have been a bit much and the Spam could have definitely used some seasoning. But then again, one would have to know what Spam is in order to make it tasty. From what I have read on the internet, I have concluded that Spam is pork and ham combined with several additives and preservatives, that not only causes intense indigestion in cats, but also allows anyone who comes in contact with it to glow in the dark. If that second part is true, then it looks like I will be a walking glow stick for the next month or so, because I didn’t exactly leave any leftovers if you know what I mean. But all in all, I think I did a good job for my first outing in the kitchen. After draining the water, I was pleased to see that the casserole was not too watery or runny. It actually held its shape quite nicely. I was all set to take credit for that until I realized that Mr. Mouse and the fishing line had become embedded in the food. Let’s be honest, it’s probably no worse than what you would find in your burger at most fast food restaurants. Besides, both the fishing pole and the mouse went above and beyond the call of duty in my hour of need. They not only stirred my food but were also the glue that held the casserole together, literally.  I may actually write the toy company a very nice letter commending them as well as a copy of my recipe. Although, I should definitely wait and see about the glowing in the dark business before I do so. As for the presentation, I was fortunate to find a few moth wings and one lizard head to serve as garnishes. It’s not exactly a lemon wedge and paisley, but under the circumstances it will do. I also remembered that it is very important to pair an appropriate beverage with one’s special dish. Since I am very sophisticat-ed (pretty clever huh?), I decided to go with a nice glass of Bumble Bee Tuna Water vintage June 2012. Im not sure if it was as good as the Starkist April 1998, but it sufficed.
The only regret that I had was that I didn’t have any ingredients to make a dessert…..beef gravy served over a spider would have been perfect. However, the amount of dinner that I prepared was more than enough to fill me up. Looking back on the entire process, I can tell you that it was well worth the effort. Sure there were times where I wondered if my meal was ever going to make it into my mouth, but I stuck with it and never gave up. And for that I am extremely proud of myself. I also proved to myself that despite being only 8.5 lbs and having a brain the size of a golf ball, that I have the apititude to learn new tricks. Oh wait, I think that’s what dogs are supposed to do. Anyway, I am very excited to see where my curiosity takes me next (there’s the cat reference I was looking for). I have discovered that there is a wealth of information out there for anyone who chooses to embrace the ability to learn. If anything, I hope that I was able to inspire everyone who read this to do something great. It doesn’t matter if you are a great big human, or four legged furball, you have it in you to acquire a new talent or improve an old skill. I hope you will take this advice to heart and challenge yourself to learn something new or do something great in the coming weeks and months. Please keep me posted on your progress, I would love to hear what path you have chosen.